I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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