Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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