Slut skills are useful in every country.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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