Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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