Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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