would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
