so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
