So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
