theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
