he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
