ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
