i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
