your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
