Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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