so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
