just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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