thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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