it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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