I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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