Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
