who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
