My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
