No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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