omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
