I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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