dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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