If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
