i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
