Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
