i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
