a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
