As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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