i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
