That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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