Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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