thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Holy shit dude........stairs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
