i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
