Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

(404): View more from Georgia

You mean bread?

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(517): View more from Michigan

I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

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(707): View more from California

He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

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(224): View more from Illinois

We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.

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(415): View more from California

White people are beatboxing! Save me.

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(734): View more from Michigan

If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.

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(214): View more from Texas

Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?

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(703): View more from Virginia

A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.

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