i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
