I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
