I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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