I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
