Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The air taste purple.
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