The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
