Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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