A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
