I just pynch a tree in the face
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
