its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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