i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
