Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
