I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
