are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
