On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My ass is underappreciated
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
