I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
